By the time I came to Messiah in truth, freedom was such a foreign concept; I didn’t have a clue as to how to walk in the freedom He gave. I’d spent not 18 years, but twice that, under the horrible bondage of failure! I was a very broken human being, and it seemed the only thing that had held me together was the bondage. So, the next 18 years following Messiah were amazingly awesome, but also fraught with many unexpected realizations. I was redeemed and forgiven. I was a changed woman, but humanity is not as forgiving as G-d. Probably the primary realization was the fact, I simply could not live up to the expectations of others. I couldn’t change the past and eighteen more years of being reminded grew quite tiresome. I’ve been given peace with the fact, many of the wasted years of the past were just that, wasted, but thank G-d, in the past!
When Abba told me it was time to write my testimony, I was thinking of course, of a book. to write an autobiography, I considered two approaches, both of which I’m thoroughly ashamed. First, I considered a pseudonym. Then the idea came to me to write it like a novel. A few internet searches revealed that a pseudonym was easy enough, but I didn’t have any peace with that idea, so I considered the novel idea. The main problem I had with that idea, is the fact, I don’t like to read fiction, so I didn’t think I’d write it so well. I did think, however; if I wrote factually, but changed all the names, and wrote it in third person, it would technically be “fiction.” Realizing there was no peace in either of those ideas, reality actually set in. What I’ve been freely given, I can give freely. My life is ongoing, as should be, my testimony. Therefore, it seems only right to write my testimony in a blog, this blog.
The fact that the Creator of the universe changed my life is not fiction, and should not be presented as such. I’m not the only person who has survived brokenness, only to feel obligated to continue to “serve” in that position, or not understand how to stop serving in that manner. None of us are getting any younger, therefore; time is of the essence. People don’t have time for empty words and G-d’s goodness should not be presented to sound like fiction! There are already enough people attaching His name to their fiction, while calling it truth. If I’ve learned anything in this life . . . doing the opposite of what’s already done, isn’t necessarily the right thing. We have enough religious fiction being peddled as truth. His goodness is too wonderful and His power, too amazing, to package as a novel.