The Awakening


As I look back over the nearly twenty years of following Messiah, I’ve had several “Ah-ha!  HalleluYah moments.”  The very first thing I heard when receiving the Holy Spirit, was a question.  The question seemed simple, but I had no idea how deep.  “Are you willing to lay down everything you think you know?”

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Although my answer was “Yes,” I had no idea how many errant teachings and religious traditions had been entangled with Scriptural truth.  As it turned out, most of them . . .

Years later when writing “Can We All Be Wrong?,” in 2011, the book was both the summation and the catalyst of what it was to lay down everything I thought I knew.  It took until my 54th birthday in 2012 just before Passover, for me to hear the fullness of the blunt truth.  In one simple question, there was more truth than I wanted to hear, but there was simply no way to deny it.  Y’hshuwah said a lot in question form, while he walked this earth, and Hebrews tells us, he’s the same yesterday today and forever.  He brought back to my remembrance a promise Abba had spoken to me in 1999, that I clearly didn’t understand when I heard it.  I was at the cemetery, when I heard, that I would receive the promise of Abraham.   Y’hshuwah’s question was to the point.  “Do you want the promise of Abraham, without the faith of Abraham?”

The bottom line is, faith is believing, not just what we say, but true faith is to live according to what we actually believe.  The word, “believe” has been seriously misinterpreted and taught in traditional error for centuries.  If we actually believe what G-d has said in His Word or directly to us, it will be demonstrated in our life.  Verbalizing that we believe the history of Scripture is not the same thing as actually personally believing The Word of our Creator.  One of my pet peeves in Scriptural study and discussion, is the over analysis of the people and situations in Scripture, while distancing ourselves from personal application.  We speak as if culture and time afford us some sort of excuse . . . I had to face the fact, although I’d confessed and asked forgiveness, I, like Abraham had an Ishmael to deal with.   In every example in Scripture of the greatness of G-d, His servants stepped out in faith trusting Him, without knowing what the results would actually be, or how they would get there.  We can turn the page in our Bibles and read how it all turned out!  They could not.  Saying we believe in G-d, is clearly not enough, as explained in James 1:19-20 Thou believest that there is one G-d; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.  But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?


From the time I first experience the Christian version of salvation, I knew there was more, but I simply couldn’t reach it.  Since YHWH is eternal, and Messiah said I didn’t choose Him, but rather He chose me, I’d describe my spiritual life as follows.  I was born again at the age of 10, struggled in religion but failed to thrive.  I was “saved” in a denomination that didn’t believe in a separate “filling of the Holy Spirit” as I discovered later . . . years later, in Acts 19.  At the age of 18, it was easy to just walk away from organized religion.  In that move, I discovered I didn’t associate the Creator with organized religion, and what I’d been taught just didn’t make sense when aligned with Scripture.

Just before the age of eighteen, I discovered there was going to be a harvest as a result of sowing some wild oats.  I knew I didn’t want to trap a man in marriage . . . I’d seen that done, and it didn’t seem to turn out well for the man or the child.  I’d wear a scarlet letter before I’d be “that kind of woman!”  Although shotgun weddings were referred to as “doing the right thing,” I simply could not justify using an unborn child to control anyone!  Unfortunately, in my ignorance and rebellion, that become the turning point to spend the next 18 years trying to succeed as a matriarch.  I naively thought, my 18th birthday would finally bring closure to my failure as a child.  The hope of a successful adulthood, didn’t last long . . .



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